An Open Letter to Alex Horne

Hello Alex!

It’s been a while since the first airing of Series 5, Episode 5- Wind Dried Puffin. Exactly 8 years today, in fact. Since then, the world has hoped and prayed for the day that Mark Watson’s cheeky texts will be released in full. You’ve offered us a taste of the results of your brilliantly torturous task, of course. We have been blessed with a total of 45 of Mark’s glorious texts, but the knowledge that there are 103 still unseen by the general public haunts us. Many of us made pilgrimages to the Live Experience simply to lay eyes upon the sacred tome, though its interior secrets remained unrevealed.

You told us that you would consider releasing them if there was ‘enough clamour.’ We have aimed to think laterally with our interpretation of the task: deciding to bring more cheeky texts into the world, in order to spread joy and inspire others to clamour alongside us. We have created this website with a random cheeky text generator, which is being continuously updated by our community with the aim of reaching near infinite cheek combinations. A dedicated denizen has also been posting daily cheeky texts on Bluesky for months, and their efforts have gained the endorsement of Mark Watson himself. They have sworn to continue this Sisyphean task until the original cheeky texts have been released.

Throughout this endeavour, we have lived by one guiding principal: embrace the cheek. Therefore, we will share some cheeky unsolicited suggestions with you. A physical recreation of the original book that was used in the studio is our highest desire. If that is not possible, we would also be delighted with the cheeky texts in digital format. Another merchandise wish we’ve heard from multiple fans is a blank journal made to look like the cheeky texts book, so that they might fill it with their own cheeky texts.

You also mentioned your desire for there to be a charitable component to a potential cheeky texts release. If you do not already have a charity in mind, may we humbly suggest you consider the MS Society UK. It is a cause that is close to the heart of one of the loudest voices in our cheeky text clamouring community, as well as being the charity of choice of our beloved Taskmaster contestant Ivo Graham. We appreciate your consideration.

In closing, we implore you: please, release the cheeky texts.

Yours,
The Citizens of Cheek
11 October, 2025